What promoting a show at the Fringe is really about
Cosmic family appeared for the 3rd time at Spank! Naked Promo on Saturday night. What could they possibly do after the famous ‘anema’ of last week? Cosmic Family hostess Erika and Rob the handyman decided to speak honest with the greedy public of Spank!
They walked naked on stage and explained to an attentive audience all the ways their company had explored to promote themselves until now. They listed:
1/ The Cosmic Family first created this colourfull flyer
2/ and did stunts in the streets holding raining umbrellas and distributing the colourfull flyers.
3/ The Cosmic Family then noticed that most news papers were writing about spirituality and theatre, and the List featured a photo of a stand up comedian playing Jesus, on the cover. The title was ‘Jesus came to save the fringe’ The Cosmic Family soon plastered all over Edinburgh spoof covers of the List: the Fist - featuring the Cosmic Family on the cover and saying ‘the Cosmic Family came to save YOU from the fringe’!
After being told off for plastering by the police,
4/ The Cosmic Family then received two star reviews from the Scotsman and Three Weeks, who hailed their show ‘weird’, ’shameless’ and ‘terrifying’. The Cosmic Family then decided to adopt this new identity and redesigned their flyers so they look as ‘weird’ and ’shameless’ as the bad reviews plastered on them.
5/ the Cosmic Family noticed all other posters had tons of awards so they got nice palm crowns from the internet and decorated their awards with palms. They also invented new awards ‘Best tasting smoothie’ / ‘Eurotrash’
6/ the Cosmic Family also thought they should get some attention somehow so they went with their impulses and drew a phallus onto the cow shaped logo of the venue they perform in.
However the Cosmic Family phallus was censored as soon as the first poster was plastered in the venue. Freddy asked ‘Why is a phallus more shocking than an udder?’ but nobody could answer.
7/ The Cosmic Family then appeared at Spank naked and defecated on stage! A symbolic way to shit on the Fringe that the paranoids members of the cult thought was shitting on them.
8/ The bad reviews inspired the Cosmic Family to design, publish and distribute their own review paper. The Spoof of Three Weeks was born: called ‘Four Geeks’ (see below)
8/ Distributing something else than flyers seemed to generate more positive responses and the crowd interested in the piece seemed to more young, alternative and curious than most punters so the Cosmic Family created Cosmic Pills (coated with eatable plastic) to distribute in parties and cool bars.
9/ Then our documentarist Alex Forge, suddenly got inspired and used the photos of Kate Mount to design a new Black and White Poster and Flyer, which represents the show in a new more objective way.
10/ With new flyers and 2 weeks experience of talking about the show, Cosmic Family learnt to speak the magic keywords, and the right kind of audiences started coming!!!
Then something happened that made the Cosmic Family finally understand what the Fringe is all about!
After declaring this, in Spank! Erika and Rob turned to each other, sexy music played, and they started to kiss. The audience applauded and cheered as the couple caressed, then they gasped as Rob came down on Erika, and went to look for something into her folds. He found a roll of paper, which he unrolled to reveal 5*****stars.
Rob and Erika feasted the five stars they were given with an explosion of cosmic love. Unfortunately no more reviewers came to see the show since then. Rob and Erika are perplex. They send out an open call. If needed, they are ready to share the Cosmic Love with reviewers to get more stars to shoot in their direction. Any takers?